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  Ella was dancing slightly, shifting between her hips, bringing her arms up. She was so awesome. And so pretty. Her earrings sparkled. Her eyes came up and she smiled. I had to hug her.

  "Alright, I'm sure you all have better things to do," Julian said. We'd been caught being naughty. Better go do some work. I walked into the dry store and grabbed stuff we needed out front. I restocked everything. Julian was there. He really was good-looking in his own way.

  "You're doing a great job," he said.

  "Thanks. You really are sweet. You gave me leave and everything, even when it was a total hassle for you. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it."

  "I'm sure you can't."

  I looked up at him. His eyes were a grayish blue, his jaw sharp. He had really lovely lips. Julian wasn't a guy that was immediately attractive, like bang, but it snuck up on you, the way his eyes moved, saw. And he wasn't a boy. Broad shoulders, so much broader than mine, it almost seemed a little foreign, and he was tall. What would it feel like to wrap my arms around his shoulders? I found myself crushing on Julian a bit. I could kind of see what people found attractive about him. "You're really lovely."

  He smiled. "I know I am." Then he walked away. He was like the father figure in this little family and we all adored him, we girls especially adored him. No, that sounded a little incestuous—but he watched out for us, ensured we were happy and had everything we needed. I was so grateful.

  I was jumping on the spot by the time Julian locked the doors of the restaurant. It was almost like I wasn't ready for it to be over.

  "Alright, everyone out," he said, urging us to the back. "And don't do anything stupid."

  We congregated out the back when Julian punched in the locking code, then grunted as he walked past us to his car. He drove away.

  "I want something sweet," Ella said, taking a couple of steps back. She turned toward the supermarket and we all followed.

  I ended up walking next to Mia.

  "I'm sorry I've been such a bitch to you," she said. "It was completely not okay. I blamed you for stuff I shouldn't have and you're my friend. How could I do that?" She sounded crushed.

  "It's okay, I get it. I totally understand."

  We hugged. I felt total love for Mia and we continued walking arm in arm. "Like I know we're not good together," she continued, "you know, me and Riley. I just can't help but wonder why not? What is so wrong with me?"

  "There is nothing wrong with you," I assured her, feeling hurt on her behalf. "You're fucking awesome. Really. If there was anyone here I could be really close friends with, like BFFs, it would be you. We're a lot alike. So alike."

  "I know," she said as if it was a revelation.

  The supermarket was bright and I skipped sideways. Everything was so colorful and the fruit all looked perfect, even the vegetables. I walked up to Wyatt. "Isn't it amazing how nature can create such intricate and perfect design? This is beyond anything we could do," he said. "Evolution or intelligent design, I don't care. Either way it's fucking beyond us. And we live in this amazing playground. Like this supermarket—who created it? It feeds us. We would die without it, but we take it for granted."

  "Have to admit I have," I said, standing next to a display of broccoli. "I can't stand broccoli. I know I'm supposed to like it, but I just can't do it. It tastes like dirty socks dragged through a mud bath."

  Wyatt laughed. Riley walked up and placed his arm around my neck. His body was firm and warm. He was also tall, but not as tall as Julian. Still, there was no denying there was a thing between us, had been since day one.

  "You alright?" he asked. He looked down on me and I felt his eyes draw me in, like deep wells.

  "Yeah."

  Riley pulled me away and we continued walking down the aisles. Wyatt followed. "Hey guys," he called, drawing out attention to something I couldn't determine. Riley still had his arm around me and it felt so right, like we belonged together.

  Once we paid and walked out, we returned to the outdoor seating area in front of the restaurant. Riley handed me a bottle of water again. The touch of the plastic and the cool of the water almost felt sensual and all I wanted to know was what his lips tasted like. It felt as if I'd been waiting a long time to find out.

  Riley was sitting on the table, his feet up on the seats. He looked different under the yellow lights of the parking lot—a bit ethereal. Perfect. Okay, he wasn't perfect, but a little imperfection was needed, wasn't it? Wasn't it our imperfections that made us? We needed to love our imperfections.

  Ella was still dancing and I smiled at her, but Riley grabbed me around the waist and pulled me closer—very close. I stood between his legs now and his palm stroked down the side of my waist. The touch radiated down my whole body. I looked into his eyes. There were no secrets between us. He was into me and I was into him. Reaching forward, he kissed me. My eyes drifted closed as the sweetest sensation I'd ever felt swept through me. He tasted so good, so right. This had always been meant to be. His tongue was soft and welcoming. My body pulsed with energy and desire, and I clutched his shirt at his side, wanting to know what his skin felt like.

  * * *

  Chapter 19:

  * * *

  When the kiss broke, I could hardly breathe. My lips ached for more. I looked down as his fingers entwined with mine. Everything was right in the world, everything had been resolved. By my hand, he tugged me forward again, into another kiss, which absorbed my entire conscious being, surrounding me with impossible sweetness. I wanted more. I wanted to be closer. My hand stroked up his thigh. He was so warm, and firm and just… touchable.

  Holding my face, he deepened the kiss, his tongue seeking farther into my mouth. My body pressed into his. It felt like coming home, like this was what I'd been waiting for.

  With a firm hand he pushed my hip away until I stepped back and he shifted forward, coming off the seat to stand. He was still holding my hand. "Come," he said, urging me away from the others. Alone, yes, an excellent idea. Still holding my hand, he led me around the corner, sweeping me around until I was in front of him. We stood so close now, his breath on my cheek, sweet and ragged. His lips sought mine again, another deep and devastating kiss.

  But I was pretty sure we hadn't just sought out this dark, far side of the building just to kiss. I felt him along the whole front of my body, my thighs were pressed to his, my breasts flattened to his chest. Reaching up, I wrapped by arms around his neck.

  "Sugar and spice, and everything nice," he said, his voice coarse, the breath of each word tickling my lips. I couldn't stop kissing him; it felt wrong when we weren't.

  I bumped into the wall behind me and he reached his hand up, running it down the bricks by my head, pressing into me with his whole body. There was no mistaking how hard he was; I could feel it. A sharp thrill ran down my spine, pooling at the very bottom, flaring the heat into fire. My hands ran along the waistband of his jeans, the warmth of his skin teasing my knuckles, until I reached the bulge, receiving a sharp intake of breath and a moan as I pressed down, feeling his contours. He was hard as steel.

  Leaning down, he kissed me again, urging my thigh up around him. I was so turned on, I didn't know what to do with myself. This was so much more intense than anything I'd experienced before. My thighs up around him, he stepped forward a bit and I sat snugly against him, his cock pressing to the apex of my thighs. Anticipation pulsed inside me. I wasn't going to last if this kept up. The tension was growing too intense. "Riley," I whimpered. A slight alarm caught in my head. "Have you got a… "

  "Yeah," he said, putting me down. He kissed me again, then smiled as he grappled with the button on my shorts. As they gave, he reached into my underwear, seeking the tiny nub that made my legs waver. Sharp sensation exploded within my body, pulsing tension up my front and down my legs. Then he pulled my shorts down, I couldn't stand the ache in me now. I needed him inside me, to give me release.

  Quickly he rolled on a condom and lifted me up again. My legs seemed to wrap na
turally around him and he pressed into me. My body gave, enveloped him, focusing on the deep, heavy rightness of him being inside me. It felt so good. "Fuck," he said, sounding like it was more than he could take. His breath was ragged now, interspersed with moans. I had no control, was captured by the pleasure of it, of him pressing into me again and again. He couldn't stop; I couldn't stop.

  His hands held me up, ground me to him. It felt so good and it was intensifying sharply. I couldn't take any more. I shifted my hips to alleviate the pressure, to seek more, to be closer. The release came like a storm surge, a rush so hard it took my breath away. Powerful pulses of pure pleasure erupted, taking my breath, sending wave after wave of sheer deliciousness along my entire body. He groaned with every thrust into me until he ground our hips together hard, pumping his release deep inside me. His head was in the crook of my neck and more of his weight pressed me into the wall behind me.

  Slowly my legs slipped down his sides. He was still inside me and the aftershocks were still ripping through. My whole body felt like it was glowing; I'd never felt so alive. Okay, I'd never come so hard before either. He withdrew and I was a little sorry it was over.

  Removing the condom, he stepped away and threw it into the trash can not far away. I grabbed my underwear and put them on, which were now unfortunately a bit soggy. There were some casualties in these things. Pulling on my shorts, I looked up as he reached for me, pulling me into another kiss. Lighter now, more affectionate.

  The others were still there when we walked around the corner, sitting around one of the tables. Riley pulled me into the seat in front of him so I sat between his thighs. It was nice to lean back and have him there. I felt safe.

  Feeling a bit concerned, I looked over at Mia, but saw no recriminations in her eyes. It had hardly gone unnoticed that Riley and I had snuck off for some alone time. It wouldn't take a genius to figure what we were doing, but she seemed okay with it. I was glad. I had absolutely no intention of hurting her. Things had just progressed. It was meant to be, so how could I possibly have fought it?

  We sat and chatted for an hour longer, even telling the security guard who pulled up in his pickup that it was fine: we were employees. With a grumble, he seemed to accept the answer.

  "I'm going home," Ella finally said. Things were starting to feel a little heavier now. It was getting late.

  "I should go too," I said. "Do you need a ride?" I asked Riley.

  "No, I've got my mom's car."

  "Okay," I smiled. It felt like the rest of the world was starting to intrude. I knew what was happening: I was starting to come down.

  We stood and I kissed him lightly on the lips, then said goodbye, following Ella as she walked around the corner to where our cars were.

  "Interesting night," she said. "More for some." She nudged me with her arm.

  "Shut up," I said, smiling.

  "Hope you used protection, or that babydaddy joke might not be so jokie."

  "Shut up," I said again, unlocking my car. Of course not; I wasn't stupid.

  *

  The hall light was on when I got in the front door. As quietly as I could, I dropped my bag and walked into the kitchen. I was thirsty. A noise behind me drew my attention and my mom walked into the kitchen wearing a bathrobe.

  "You're late," she said. "What time is it?" She still looked half asleep.

  "Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you. We were hanging and lost track of time. Go back to bed."

  She looked me over, the light still hurting her eyes. "You alright? You look a bit clammy." She stepped forward and put her palm on my head. "Hot too."

  "I'm okay. It's just been a long night. I think I'll hit the sack."

  "Okay, honey. We'll see how you are in the morning."

  I felt a bit like an asshole coming home like this. My mom worried that I was sick when in reality I'd been doing drugs. The truth would probably terrify her. "I'm sure it will be better in the morning," I smiled.

  She wandered off and I drank another glass of water before leaning on the kitchen counter and letting my head drop down. The night had been fun, intense, but there was now this big issue attached to it. I'd slept with Riley and in the aftermath, that might not have been the best idea. At least we had sense enough to use a condom, but I couldn't guarantee that I would have said no if he hadn't had one.

  Quickly walking upstairs, I shut myself away in my room, and turned the TV on, dropping the sound down as low as possible. There would be no way I would get any sleep for a while. The fun had to be paid for and it was time to pay. I felt like crap now. Utter fucking crap. And I'd slept with Riley. It was enough to make my stomach churn. Because it was Riley and he had a habit of using stuff for ammunition and I had just handed him a good one. I could be wrong; he could be cool about the whole thing. That would be the grown up thing to do. I mean, it wasn't like there was a secret to reveal—everyone knew already. Unease clenched my insides again. Grabbing a pillow, I sat down on my bean bag and tucked the pillow into my stomach.

  All these questions were racing through my mind now. Had I just committed a gigantic fuck-up of criminal proportions? There was a good chance.

  I flipped through channels of crap and finally settled on the Love Boat—mostly because I felt too tired to flip further. The show was strange and alien, a relic of a different era where the hair was weird and the clothes were shockingly ugly—they even talked different. A ludicrously young Tom Hanks was in this episode. His acting had improved since. I still couldn't rid myself of the dread that had settled in the pit of my stomach, wishing I could stomach some ice-cream, but the idea made me nauseous.

  * * *

  Chapter 20:

  * * *

  Shoving a stick of gum in my mouth, I sat back in my car and just stared at the Coast Burger building. I really, really didn't want to go in. Not only did I feel like shit, there was the whole other thing of what I'd done last night. I had no idea how Riley would react; I didn't even know how I wanted him to react. Did I want him to come running up to hug me and call me his new girlfriend? No. Actually, there was no ideal outcome here. For it to be forgotten by all and sundry, especially Riley, would be nice, but that wasn't going to happen.

  Gripping the wheel, I twisted the worn plastic, which wouldn't budge. Turning around and going home had never been so appealing, just burying my head in the sand, but really, I wasn't a wuss. Again, I wasn't fourteen and my life wasn't over because I was embarrassed. Was embarrassed the right word? I slept with someone; it's not a big deal. It just felt like it because it was friggin Riley. What the hell had I been thinking? How in my mind did I construe that this was going to end well?

  My stomach clenched as I pulled myself together and stepped out of the car. I could see someone's feet as I walked toward the back entrance. Maybe he was waiting for me—waiting to rip into me with his sarcasm and cutting observations. I dreaded to think what he'd say now.

  Heartbeats were pounding in my chest, but it was Wyatt.

  "Hey, Pepper," he said, his blue apron covering his thighs, creating a little awning as he sat. "How're you feeling?"

  "Like I was eaten by a swamp monster and regurgitated."

  Wyatt chuckled. "That would be about right. I just woke up actually." His hair was still wet from a shower.

  "Yeah, me too." It helped to know I wasn't the only one who felt like this. "Is Riley here?"

  "Yep."

  "Lovely," I said under my breath.

  "Not looking forward to seeing him?"

  "Not really, no."

  "Can't blame you, honestly. Riley is sometimes a bit of a bastard."

  Nothing I didn't know, which makes sleeping with him even more perplexing. And Wyatt just confirmed that there was a good chance he would give me a hard time for it. "I'd better get changed," I said, feeling defeated.

  I punched in the code and opened the door. Everything appeared perfectly normal. My locker looked untouched and I retreated into the bathroom and put on my uniform. It didn't help t
hat I had to wear this. I could really use a boost to my confidence by wearing something I felt good in, but nothing could be done about that.

  Riley was at the grill as I walked by. I ignored him. "Not even going to say hello, huh?" he said, smirking. He turned his head to look at me and I could see the challenge in his eyes. I kept walking, not really wanting to get into it with him.

  Matilda was there as usual, as was Mia. I couldn't tell if confronting her was even more awkward than seeing Riley. She ignored me. She'd been cool with it last night, but perhaps not so chill now. How would I have felt if she'd just made out with my ex in front of me? This just got better and better.

  I unlocked the register and checked that I had everything I needed. Mia was still pretending I wasn't there. "I did some things I really regret last night," I said in a tone low enough so only she could hear. Finally she looked at me. Her gaze stayed for a moment then returned to greet her next customer. She didn't look furious, maybe a little hurt. I felt smaller than I had in a long time.

  At least I had been grown up and faced this disaster head on. It was done now. I'd faced them, apologized to Mia, ignored Riley and commiserated with Wyatt—something I hadn't expected. I hadn't expected Wyatt to do anything other than sing Riley's praises. Maybe he saw Riley more objectively than I, as well as Ella, gave him credit for.

  I took my break and ate leftover lasagna in the lunch room with Ella. We said very little. She looked good, but I could tell she was tired. "How're you feeling?" she asked. My cheeks flared red, knowing she saw my indiscretion last night as nothing but a fuck up, which it was.

  "Mortified, truthfully." What was the use of hiding it? There really was no way of spinning this.

  "You're not the first girl who does some E and ends up in some dude's bed. And Mia did him more or less sober."